I have been friends with him since my freshman year of high school he is now a senior in college and I am a junior in college. I would not be where I am today without him. He knows everything. And I am pretty sure I love him. I want to talk to him all the time but I don’t get to talk to him too much we live really far apart but when I do I don’t want to conversation to end.

The thought of being away from him forever terrifies me but its a real possibility since he has a job after graduation lined up where he goes to school which is on the opposite side of the country. He also doesn’t come home very often and when he does I do my best to see him as much as possible.

We have always been just friends even though I am fairly sure he had a crush on me when I was a freshman but I never knew for sure.

I want to tell him that I don’t know what I would do without him and that I think I care about him more than just a friend but I would probably just ruin things. What do I do? Do I say anything? What do I say? What if he feels the same? We can’t really do anything about it I don’t even know the next time I will see him.   

What do I say?

When?

How?

What if it ruins everything?

I would be crushed without him as a friend.

But…

• I could never tell him
• I would be terrified of ruining our relationship
• He goes to school thousands of miles away from me on the opposite end of the country
• No one could ever be as good as he is for me

I miss him all the time and when I do get to talk to him I don’t want it to end. I have always had this small feeling but today it just really hit me. He is going on a trip for spring break and I just didn’t want our conversation to end. But I also worry about him and care about him so so so much. And I think if he knew he would admit to feeling the same but what we have now is so good I think we are both afraid of telling the other the while truth. What  to do?

Spring break has been just awful for me no working out, no gym, no dance, and food choices are all out of my control. I have gained so much weight and can definitely see and feel it. i just want to get skinny but after this week i hatelooking in the mirror because it just remind me how fat i am. I cant wait until sunday when i am back where i can go to the gym!

So my friends and I were watching an old video of me and one of them says to me “you’ve lost weight” and I was like what no I haven’t. One I really haven’t and two I do not see it. I look the same in old pictures as I do in new ones. I just don’t get it.

It also doesn’t help that I ate like shit this week. Gotta get back on track. 15-20 lbs. by summer is totally doable. I am now remotivated!