Posts tagged skinny

it feels so good. I will finally be what everyone else wants me to be. What I want so desperately. I will be skinny and people will like me. I am not giving up this time. No eating today, tomorrow, or the day after. I keep thinking about how much I want to eat but then I just tell myself no and each time I do I feel better and better and closer to achieving what I need. They will pay. This is their fault. They have done this to me and there is no turning back now. 

Tonight was great because it sucked! I went to an open ballet class at a professional school and a lot of the PD girls were back from intensives or on vacation from the companies they are dancing with and they were all skinny and beautiful and o so talented and then there was lousy, short, fat me. 

I can’t do anything about being short but I can fix lousy and fat and I will. I need to get my butt into shape and stop eating crap. I need to go to bed hungry rather than full. I need to sweat more, work more, and work harder. I will do this once and for all. 

I am motivated. 

Also watching the perfection that is rhythmic gymnastics didn’t hurt the motivation…only fueled it! 

So my friends and I were watching an old video of me and one of them says to me “you’ve lost weight” and I was like what no I haven’t. One I really haven’t and two I do not see it. I look the same in old pictures as I do in new ones. I just don’t get it.

It also doesn’t help that I ate like shit this week. Gotta get back on track. 15-20 lbs. by summer is totally doable. I am now remotivated!

I really really need help finding this video of a dance solo that uses tulle. It is one girl. She is wearing white and the tulle is white too! Please please please help me find this video. I need to find it for my teacher and I can’t. I think I actually watched it on here a few days ago someone has to know what I am talking about. Please help?

So the last few weeks the semester has started and I am settling into my schedule which includes dancing 30+ hours per week…awesome! and also includes running about 4 miles a week not a lot but just enough. 

I have been working so hard. Eating right nice and healthy with lots of veggies making sure to get enough protein and all that good stuff. 

So tonight I had 3 hours of practice. This morning I had 2 hours of ballet and 2 hours of modern. Practice begins with 30 mins of cardio so I ran 2 miles and felt great. I was wearing running shorts and on the way to practice noticed how much thinner my legs look. And I also decided to wear my running tank top which I don’t wear very often because I never thought I could pull it off because you could always see my stomach bulge and and my fat arms and not to mention I have larger boobs for my size but the gym has been so hot that is what I decided to wear. 

I did cardio and felt great and then led a super intense warm up which was soooo good I was dripping sweat! S for one of the things for warm we did developes and when I did mine t the back I noticed I could start seeing my chest bones which is something I have always wanted. My collar bone is also a lot more prominent. 

And what is great too is that people are starting to really notice how great I look. This just pushes me even harder!

I danced 7 hours yesterday and another 3 today! Feeling fantastic. And eating healthy.